"Gotta have passion in order to see"

Limbo Daze

2008-12-30T21:16:00.000-08:00

Well I'm back on the blog. lol with nothing to write...seriously, lately I feel like I'm slowly losing my vocabulary and ability to synthesize my thoughts into coherent sentences! I don't know what it is exactly. When I open my mouth, I feel like I should be wearing a dunce cap. Altogether, I feel like my mind is just floating along la-di-da. It's weird especially for a person such as myself who constantly assesses and analyzes the people and things around me. I think some of my friends are beginning to catch on to my lack of contribution to meaningful, intellectually stimulating conversations. One friend decided that his video game was more important than talking to me and my other friend, my debate buddy, has grown aloof and brushes me off for other friends. I'm pretty empathic about it all because there is nothing more annoying than to have a conversation with someone who has nothing meaningful to say. I wish I were able to partake in such dialogue but I am frightened for what may escape these lips. I am even more fearful of sounding foolish. Hm, before I would say anything with passion and debate my point to the nail but after reading several blogs and posts on facebook that sound so... smart and the fact that people drool over what these bloggers and posters write simply amazes me. I've always been one to express myself no matter what but all of a sudden I've grown so self-conscious about my thoughts and lack of knowledge in certain subjects. Secretly, I want to be a know-it -all like the posters and bloggers who express their thoughts so intelligently and eloquently. Aside from this "drama" that I believe I am creating for myself, my life has been fairly bland and bumpy. I'm looking forward to graduation, not looking forward to filling out more applications for fellowships/jobs, I'm still single, and I've cut the split ends from my life (i.e. deleting phone #s and cleaning up my friends list on facebook ). My life has been pretty bumpy because APPARENTLY makeup foundation can expire and it can actually wreak havoc on one’s face as it did on mine. Lesson learned no more heavy makeup for me! I know, I know my life is nothing to talk about right now lol...Well, now I will go back to listening to NPR as I sip my tea and continue my interview question exercises. Good night. :-)

HomeComing

2008-11-10T21:59:00.000-08:00

These past couple weeks have been pretty busy for me. I just so happen to be procrastinating right now which is why I am typing a post for this blog. I really need to get started on this IRB form and edit my paper but I digress, I will continue to procrastinate for about 4 more minutes. Well, this weekend I went to homecoming and it was pretty cool despite the fact that this expensive party that I paid a ticket to was an absolute BUST!!!! and you best believe I will be getting my money back! but I realized that this weekend made me realize how much I just miss NC. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss the good looking guys, I miss flirting, but it also made realize that I don't miss the games that people play. I don't even know if its a game that this person is playing, but I've just never met anyone who was so SHIFTY before in my life!!! So just to rewind a bit. The person that I'm referring to I liked a couple months back and I saw him this weekend and I didnt really know what to expect since we hadnt talked in a while. I just know that I was really disappointed in how he said he was going to call but never did...in fact I called him about 2 weeks later and his response was pretty much 'oh I mean I didnt think it was a big deal, I was doing my thing'...I'm a communicator and I don't need to be communicating with a person on a daily basis to have a friendship...but I really hate inconsistency because it makes one look unreliable. Anyway, we saw eachother this past weekend, and things seemed cool. So we planned to hang out a bit and he told me to text him, which I did and I called but he never responded...and still hasnt and I don't believe he has any intention to either because I'm sure he is doing his thing. So now I reminded about what I hate...again...I've been doing quite well for a while now you know. Just focusing on the career and way less on shifty friendships and guys. I just hate that I thought we could actually be speaking again but I guess I thought wrong. Well I could write more but I think my 4 minutes are up so...yeah oh and I leave you with this song even though it has NOTHING to do with my post but just the title :-) Enjoy!

Make OVA!!!!

2008-08-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

So perusing my favorite black celebrity gossip blogs I came across these pictures of Dawn of Danity Kane at their launching of Dollhouse Jeans.

I have this love hate relationship with DK, on the one hand I really like them and I want to see them do well and then this...they always look disjointed and unkempt as a group from an image/stylistic point of view....and Dawn, I think she has a great personality but she looks so jacked! the make-up artists/hairstylists should really learn to work with her features I mean REALLY! So I decided let me show them how its done.

As you can see I added a side bang to soften her strong features up a bit. I also elongated the eyebrows because the gap between the eyebrows is too large and it makes her look more masculine.

No plastic surgery needed just an eyebrow pencil and a few wefts of weave will do!!!!

2 Proposals in ONE DAY!!!

2008-06-27T20:21:00.001-07:00

Haha not really, but I've been getting a lot of passes lately from guys who want to make me their -get ready for this- GIRLFRIEND! I know I know I'm making it seem like I never get hit on and I do get hit on but not often and lately it's been happening. BUT, there's always a BUT these guys not for me. They are nice guys and all but I don't think we would go too well together, especially if I have someone else on the brain. It would not be fair to them or myself.

However, the one that I do have my eye on does not seem to be looking in my direction...at all (arghhh!!) That's okay though because I'm just about tired of trying to get his attention. At this point the guys that have been giving me the time of day are really starting to look enticing right about now. Even though they happen to have kids--that are MY age, baby mama drama, gold teef, spend excessive amount of money on rims and jewelry, still live at home with moms. And you know that stuff is starting to not matter because somehow just SOMEHOW they make a girl feel special. I mean after awhile that "aye shawty what yo name is, you sho is PRETTY!" ,"damn you gotta man??'cause you are my future wife", and "are you married??" makes me feel like a damn queen cause this man is giving me ATTENTION and the TIME of DAY. Oh and don't remind me of the 'aye aye ssssss' sound when I walk past a group of these fine brothers, because of course that makes me RUN not walk but literally RUN to the nearest David's Bridal and get fitted immediately for a dress.

Brothers with HS diplomas, GEDs, Community College degrees seem to know what they want when they see it. They openly express how they feel about you (no rocket science work needed) and they constantly want to how YOU feel. They want to ensure that you both are "good". However, you come across a brother with a college degree or higher...man oh man do THEY get complicated. Some of them just get so cocky and feel like they are entitled to do what ever they feel even if it hurts someone else and on top of that they want YOU to do all the footwork, i.e. chasing (rolling my eyes). More than 92.9% of the time you don't know HOW they feel about you because 1. They never tell you and 2. They use words that have double meaning ( just in case they feel threatened or disinterested they can always go back and save face by saying 'well I meant xyz when I told you this')3. They are busy (not saying that I'm not busy either but if you want something you will make time for it even if you are the 'busiest' person in the world a 2 min phone call is not like a 14 hour trip to India...it really isnt that consuming) so communication is for the most part inconsistent. I don't know. Of course I'm just speaking from personal experience/observations. I'm not saying All educated brothers are cocky jerks and I'm not saying that all brothers with less than college degrees are God's gift. It's just interesting how different the approaches are that each type of man exhibits towards dating and relationships.

Perhaps I'm making this 'dating' thing difficult for me...how I HATEEEE dating. For, myself I just prefer to go along with the one that I like. (Your the One that I like- Rapheal Saadiq :-) )and see what goes from there as opposed to spreading myself out like one of those sticky fly strips, catching everything but the fly. I guess dating is not for everyone, better yet everyone has their own style of dating. Anyway that's what I had to share for this evening. I've got to wake up super early again tom morning b/c I have another HIV/AIDS /Blockparty event that I'm running tomorrow in the HOOOODDDD . The next time I write another post don't be surprised if I get married. Cause you know my husband is out there ;-)

RandomIsh

2008-06-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

Black DesigNer

2008-05-31T18:38:00.000-07:00

So it's been awhile since I've posted. This summer session is no joke! But anyway, Last night had to have been one of the best nights that I have had in a while. I went to see Sex and the City: The Movie and it was truly an experience. SATC is one of my favorite shows because it is so well written and of course the fashion, the FASHION! It was a delight to see many shoes, handbags, and overall beautiful pieces all incorporated into the film.

As I thought about the movie some more last night one thing that I've noticed is the lack of well known Black high fashion designers. I'm not talking about your P.Diddy or Kimora Lee Simmon characters I'm talking about REAL designers. It is quite apparent that the film does a lot of name dropping to entice women to go and spend a couple $$$s on this products by so and so. This is marketing genius in my opinion, because the women on the show support these European designers by spending good money to promote their product. This in turn makes avid watchers of the show and fashionistas flock to their Neiman Marcus, Saks 5th ave, Louis Vuitton boutiques and so on to invest in these high priced items and ultimately support these European Designers. Which further promote and strengthen European high fashion market. It is also note worthy to point out that this same dominating market does not cater itself to the Black audience at all really. Despite that, the Black dollar is a huge supporter .

I say all this not to bash anyone but I think it should be noted that there are really good Black designers out there who are not confined to the "streets" and we need to recognize that. So in lieu of my fashion consciousness here are some Black designers who are truly inspiring. They are worth name dropping and supporting in my book and I'm NOT referring to Sean John or Baby Phat...

While you browse, here's a song that I thought was pretty cute. It's from the movie. :-)

OZWALD BOATENG

Below are some of his pieces...

TRACY REESE

STEPHEN BURROWS

FRANCIS HENDY

NATHALIE KONAN

ASHAKA GIVENS

Some of her work...

And of course Mr. Patrick Kelly one of the most influential designers of our time...

A Fair Reminder...

2008-05-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

So I logged on to Facebook last night and one of my friends had this link posted up on her page. The link is an article written by a Duke student about the Duke Lacrosse incident back in March 2006. The article was callously written with intent to disgrace North Carolina Central University and its former and current students. The writer proceeds to talk about two NCCU students with track records, but with an emphasis on Crystal Mangum. I agree, that NCCU should not have let Mangum graduate from its institution because the woman blatantly and publicly violated the school’s honor code and should have been expelled for her actions. Not only did Mangum disgrace herself (which I’m sure she was used to doing), but she disgraced the Black community especially Black women publicly. But back to the matter at hand, that was the only point in the article that I found to be valid. Aside from that, the writer had nothing else…so then she resorted to bashing.

This writer took some bold steps in trying to smear, humiliate, and publicly bash another University. Further she attempts to discredit the university and the alumni as a whole. This so called “newspaper” took an even bolder step in publishing such hatred. If anything, the writer should have done some more critical thinking and research on the rape case and realize that it was former D.A. Mike Nifong and Durham police that DROPPED the ball. NCCU should not have to bear these harsh attacks because of carelessness of the police and D.A. Moreover, Duke University is also guilty of not keeping a "drug free" campus and you can argue that for any university in the U.S. so does that mean a degree from Duke should be discredited? But you know, I think she knew…she knew that she wanted to tear down NCCU and its reputation and further debilitate and divide people in society, namely between the White privileged and Blacks with an obviously weak arguement. YES, Crystal Mangum did her dirt and was called out on it. But to take her actions and apply that to the school as a whole, NO. In fact if that's how this writer gauges what a respectable university is then EVERY university including her own is a disgrace and should be discredited. If I were to do some in depth research I'm sure I could find plenty of skeletons in any university's closet. In my opinion, this writer is just as disgraceful as Crystal Mangum to her university in airing such spite. And this article on a greater level is a reflection of how privileged people in powerful positions will try to tear apart and keep the unprivileged down.

My Faves....

2008-05-21T07:46:00.000-07:00

My Favorite song of the moment...

Favorite Music Artist(s)

Favorite Artist

Favorite Poet

Favorite Show

Favorite Flower

Favorite Soap

Random favorite stuff, hey it's a slow day...

2008-05-20T21:45:00.000-07:00

I told one of my friends that I started a blog

His response: "do you have anything opinionated on there? I don't like to read about people "ranting" about their life".

My response: I'm going to rant about my life b/c its MY BLOG!

Well, I thought about the comment some more and I was pretty defensive at first. However, I realized that I do have some VERY opinionated things that I do want to say but I don't believe that a blog where my name and pic is plastered all over is the place to put my business on a platform...especially with my writing delivery.

I also realized that there's a certain finesse to writing a blog especially about one's own life and personal experiences. I thought that this blogging thing would be a way to air out my feelings, thoughts, and some ideas...pretty simple huh? but there is a way to write when you decide to put yourself out there or better yet an edited version of yourself . I'm not great with words. I lack finesse and creativity when it comes to describing thoughts and feelings. English was always my least fav subject, maybe that explains why I have to look up what a noun means and what a verb does...but um yeah...working on that...hm I wonder if I should be admitting that...I mean Black people are supposed to be amazing illustrative conveyors of thought right? well there goes another stereotype that I can't claim...

Lady Killa!

2008-05-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

While you do all the work trying to show me how much you think of me.
I'll turn away.

While your heart wonders what mine feels .
I will be blank.

When your ear yearns to hear my voice.
I will be quiet.

While you look for me, I will lay low.

When your body want's to fill mine.
I will stay away, far away.

When you think your ready to say what's on your heart,
call me, I won't answer.

Heart

2008-05-17T14:50:00.001-07:00

I thought this was a pretty neat piece of art to post up. It's kinda creepy but it's funny too. This man is wearing his heart on his sleeve.

Today I'm feeling kinda.... sigh

I did accompolish to clean my apt today! yay :-) and of course my bathroom. But um how I feel can be summed up in this one song. It's crazy weird because I wrote about these EXACT feelings in my journal the other night which was quite revealing, because ...well just listen to the song....

Tilex!!!

2008-05-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make...I havent washed my tub in like 3 weeks! I know pretty gross but this tilex shower cleaner this is amazing although I havent washed my tub in 3 weeks it looks like I havent washed it in a week! LOL

Well I havent done much today aside from writing an analysis of the U.S.expenditure on Healthcare. So I think I'm going to head out to Michaels and buy some art supplies. I have this idea that I want work on so I'll be posting pics of my work soon! stay tuned :-)

So umm yeah I'm posting lol

2008-05-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

Last year a friend of mine encouraged me to start blogging. Well I did it for a day or two and then yeah...as you can see I never really kept up with it!

But tonight I decided that I should try it out again.

Since last May, I moved from NC to GA for grad school. Before that I was in NYC tryin to live the life up there but quickly realized that "tha life" was all a facade. You need *MUCHO* deniro to live "tha life" but most of all FRIENDS you can't do it all alone... so I left, got my butt into grad school and here I am.

The real reason why I'm here tonight is b/c I've been thinking a lot lately...A LOT about me being happy and me doing what I WANT to DO...and thinking about the next step when it comes to my personal life. There are so many thoughts running through my mind and right now I'm just rambling not really saying much...

But basically it's this
1) I'm kinda scared. Scared that I might be wasting my time here in GA not pursuing my true passion, I'm so far away from my family and friends! Don't get me wrong, I love to help people and public health is right up my alley but being in the middle of GA away from friends is starting to get to me!! I also know that I can use this degree as back up but right now my heart, my mind, my soul is not in tune with this right now...

2) I'm scared about personal relationships. I've only had 1 serious relationship which lasted 8 months and a serious crush on a guy which lasted a couple months too. I'm not well-versed on the relationship tip and I've pretty much been single for as long as I can remember. I'm really into this guy but he's in a diff state :-( honestly I don't know how to act around him b/c he's just so cool and makes me feel special :-) I don't know what will come of it or if anything can come from it :-/. Not knowing where things are going also makes me nervous but I learned one thing...never pressure ANYONE.

3) I've realized some things about me that I need to work on. It's kinda hard when you know your the shiz and realize that a certain quality about you is so not shiz lol but i'm growing.

So that's everything right now. Plus the Golden Girls is on :-) gotta watch my fav show. But anyway I'll share this song that got me thru today.

Now this is ridiculous!

2007-05-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

i got cash

Add to My Profile | More Videos

2007-03-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm really perplexed when it comes to secular music in the church...I've noticed that some churches applaud the idea of worldly music in the church. WHY??? If the music is not glorifiying the Lord then why is it there again?